


Little Piece of Heaven

by AlexFierro



Category: Satan and Me (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Gen, anyway have fun i cried, its just a couple of boys crying over anthea's grave, thats it guys!!!!, thats it!!!!, thats the right word for this fic, the end it uhhh....kinda positive in a way?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-28 00:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13259745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexFierro/pseuds/AlexFierro
Summary: Felix goes to visit Anthea's grave, and he finds that Gabriel is there already.





	Little Piece of Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> a question to everyone who recognizes where the title is from: am i emo? :/

Anthea deserved to have her corpse buried somewhere in Heaven. She was so kind, so gentle, and she didn't deserve anything less. She shouldn't have been killed, but Uriel was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It wasn't his fault. He would have helped, but he wasn't thinking.

It wasn't Felix's fault, either, even if he did blame himself. He didn't know what was going on, he didn't know he should have gone back. But if only, _if only_ , he'd realized sooner that he'd forgotten his cigarettes, he would have been there to help.

And fuck. Her last memory of him was how he'd gotten angry and stormed off. It choked him up and made his stomach churn when he thought about how _that_ was the last thing she remembered of him. He knew she wouldn't have held it against him, but part of him wished she would. She wasn't upset with him even at the very end, when he showed her no respect when he left her.

He should have stayed. He should have fucking stayed. And if not that, he should have at least gone back to pick up the box of cigarettes he'd forgotten, only to find her before she died.

Felix knows she belongs in Heaven. She didn't fall because she resented Heaven or because she wanted to follow Lucifer. Her devotion to keeping Felix safe and looked after must have outweighed how much she wanted to stay with Gabriel. He would have been able to get by without her; Felix wouldn't have.

He doesn't know what he's supposed to do. He was going to visit her wearing something nicer than he ever really considered, but Natalie talked him out of it. _She doesn't want “nice.” She'd want you to be yourself._

She was right.

Felix says nothing in the car. He's going to visit her grave. Both his hands stay on his lap, over the stems of the three roses on his lap—pink, yellow, white—but his gaze never leaves the window. Laila and Natalie know better than to talk to him, know all the conversations that could happen aren't ones he wants to have.

They don't follow him to the grave, either. They stay in the car, but Laila keeps her eyes on him as long as she can. She doesn't want to leave him by himself, but she doesn't have a choice. It's not her place to intervene—he never asked her to, and she could never understand how much it had to hurt after how long she'd been his friend.

Gabriel is there already. He's standing in front of where Anthea is buried. He almost stays still and silent to wait until the archangel leaves, and he also almost yells at the him.

Instead, he murmurs a single word: “Thanks.”

It must be weird to hear him talk softly. Even his normal speaking voice is kind of loud, but now he can barely be heard. Gabriel turns to look at him, his eyes meeting Felix's. “Come again?”

Felix looks away, his hold on the rose stems tightening. He swallows hard and approaches, not looking up from the ground. “I said, _thanks_.” As quiet as his words are, they're still clearly spat out. “She— Fuck...” He swallows hard and squeezes his eyes shut. He can't start crying in front of Gabriel.

After a few moments of silence, Felix is sure, with a rush of relief, that he isn't going to be prompted to say anything more. But it's short-lived as the archangel asks him, “What are you thanking me for?”

Felix almost sobs before he's even crying, but there are tears forming and they're going to fall if he opens his eyes. “It's— You _know_ where she belongs. She belongs in Heaven. You fucking _know_ that.”

Gabriel swallows audibly, and Felix can tell he's struggling to keep his composure. He needs to cry just as much as the demon does, but he's better at controlling himself. “She would have wanted to be here. She would have wanted this.”

“I know you wanted to take her there.”

“She'd want to be somewhere you could visit her. I know she would have wanted it. Even if that wasn't very clear, I...I couldn't have taken this from you.” He looks up from the grave just for just a second to glance over at Felix. “It's all right to cry. I know how much you loved her.”

Felix doesn't have the energy to yell. “Don't fucking say _loved_. She's still...she's still _everything_ to me. Don't take that from me.”

Gabriel is taken aback, but only slightly. He knows how hostile and angry of a person Felix can be. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean to hurt—”

“Shut the fuck up.” After the words leave his mouth, guilt squeezes Felix's chest so tight he's sure that pain could make him cry on its own. He doesn't apologize, but Gabriel knows well enough that he didn't mean to say what he did. “She loved you more than she did me.”

“F-Felix, you—”

“Don't even try to deny it. She fell because she knew I couldn't get by on my own. She knew you could live without her, but I wouldn't have lasted on my own.”

Gabriel gives another hard swallow. “Felix... Don't undervalue yourself, please.” His voice shakes and one of his hands goes up to cover his eyes.

“Hey, Gabriel.” He doesn't sound kind like he wishes he did. He sounds desperate and choked up. “It's okay to cry, you know.”

“Are you saying that...” Gabriel trails off. He must have decided it wasn't a good question to ask—it wasn't polite or helpful. Felix knew what it was: _Are you saying that to help me, or is it more for yourself?_

There are no tears falling yet, but Felix is so choked he can barely talk. “If that's your way of telling me to let go of my stupid fucking pride before you—” His sentence gets cut off with a sob, and he knows his knees are going to give out.

Gabriel lets out a shaky breath. Felix doesn't need to see it to know that he's letting his tears fall now as well.

Felix is pretty sure he shouldn't care, but he does. He reaches out without registering what he's doing and his fingertips ghost over Gabriel's shoulder. The angel flinches and he remembers that he shouldn't be touching the other.

“I'm sorry,” Felix whispers. “And I'm sorry things ended how they did. You should have been able to bury her in Heaven.”

“Anthea loved you dearly,” is what Gabriel gets back to him with. “I know she still does.”

That's when Felix collapses, knees hitting the ground, and it's all he can do to keep from curling into himself. He's choking on his sobs and he doesn't even try to wipe the tears from his face.

Gabriel doesn't leave. Felix doesn't know how long he sits on the ground, crying so hard his head and stomach hurt. He almost wishes he could be as pretty and quiet as the angel is able to even while his heart is broken and his world is tilted. At least he has plenty of things—Felix feels like he barely has anything left.

Heaven and Hell are both irrelevant. The concept of angels and demons has also slipped into irrelevancy. All that's left there are two people grieving before the grave of someone they both considered a loved one.

When he's through and he can outwardly start piecing himself together, he places the roses over the grave and shakily gets to his feet.

“I'm sorry,” he apologizes, and his throat threatens to close up again. “You can go.”

There's so much sympathy in Gabriel's expression. “Are you going to be all right? Do you want me to walk with you for a while?”

He wanted nothing more than to have company. He didn't want to be on his own even for the short walk back to where the girls were waiting for him, but he couldn't ask for that. “No. I'll be fine.”

“If you're sure.”

“I _am_.”

There's a pause, but as parting words, Gabriel tells him, “You were sky and all the stars to Anthea. Please don't forget that.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading i love dying and being dead
> 
> also gabriel and felix r my boys


End file.
